Captain Blood Orange (transcript)
(The episode begins at Daneboe's where Orange and the Fruit Gang are playing pirates) Orange: ♪Here comes the pirate fruit ship, sailing through the store!♪ (laughing) For the crime of being an apple, how do you plead? Apple: Guilty. But… how is that a crime? Orange: I don't make the maritime laws. I just enforce them. Now, walk the plank. Apple: Maritime Law? We're not even in water! And if being an apple is a crime, then why isn't Midget Apple guilty? Midget Apple: I'm a little apple. It's a smaller offense. Apple: I can't even see where I'm going! (Orange laughs when Apple falls off the plank, a small cruise ship passes by and Apple is on it) Apple: Where am I? (gasp) Is this heaven? It must be. I don't hear Orange. (laughs) (record scratches) Heirloom Tomato: What's this, a mongrel fruit? (grumbles) Orange: Hey, you! Weird squishy apple. You're interfering with maritime law! Apple: Nope, there he is. Not heaven. Heirloom Tomato: How dare you? I am an heirloom tomato. Apple: Hey, why is being called a apple an insult? Back me up here, Midget Apple. Midget Apple: I don't support criminals. Heirloom Tomato: Clear the way, peasants. A higher class of produce need these aisle ways. Arugula: Hey, Endive. Look how quaint these common fruit are. Endive: I say, chaps, you've had what you consider fun. Now it's time to leave. Orange: Whoa! Are you a mini-cabbage? Endive: No, I am Endive. Orange: Well, I'm "on ship." (laughs) Endive: We are taking over this area for our sailing regatta. Orange: You gotta what? (laughs) Endive: Ooh, la la la la. Yes, I see what you did there. Pear: You can't just tell us to leave. This is our aisle. Copper Lincoln: Not anymore! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Orange: Don't worry, guys. I know how to beat rich jerks. Be bigger jerks! Batten down the hatches! All hands on my poop deck! Pear: (interupting) Do you have to phrase it like that? Orange: Let's take back what's ours! Load the cannons! (The fruits prepare the cannons which are loaded with grapes) Grape: We're being included! Marshmallow: Those guys have a great attitude! Orange: Last chance, snobs. Surrender now, or risk capture. Then you'll be forced to wipe up my poop deck. Pear: Ugh, again with that phrasing. (The pirate cannons shoot the cruise ships, but only cause minimal damage) Arugula: Grapes. How charming. Endive: Shall we show this low-brow produce how to launch a proper attack? Heirloom Tomato: Jolly good! Load the shallots! Shallot: We gladly serve the crown! (The cruise ship's cannon is revealed to be a mega cannon, it shoots the shallots at the fruit ship, the fruits scream and flee) Orange: Whoa! This shall not stand. Or shallot? (laughs) Get it? Shallot? (The fruits panic as they lose control of their ship) Pear: Captain Orange, the ship is out of control! Look out! (The fruit ship crashes into the corn bin and starts to sink) Orange: Abandon ship! Women and oranges first! Apple: Hey! The captain's supposed to go down with the ship! Hello? Orange: Oh, yeah. Nah, I'm too good for this ship. See ya! (Orange and the rest of the fruit look around) Orange: Whoa! This place is eary. (laughs) (Orange approaches the corn bin) Cornelius: Who goes there, strangers? (the fruits gasp) Pear: What's that? Ear of Corn: What business do you have here? Passion Fruit: We, um… our cart… (whispering) These guys are weird. Orange: Nah. I like 'em! Mostly 'cause they're not apples. I'll tell you why we're here if you just lend me your ears. (laughs) Corn People: (laughing) Orange: And they laugh at my jokes! Cornelius: Malacorn will want to see the newcomers. Ear of Corn: Yes. We must take them to Malacorn. Orange Who's Malacorn? Who's Malacorn? Who's Malacorn? Who's… Malacorn? Corn! Corn! Corn! Cornelius: He's… He's… He's… I'm trying to… I'm trying… I'm try… I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU! Orange: Geez, you don't have to get so cornery. (laughs) Corn. Ear of Corn: Malacorn is our leader. All newcomers must see him right away. (the corn people enter the barn and fruits follow) Malacorn: Cornelius, who are these outsiders? Cornelius: They come to us from another aisle. (Malacorn observes the fruits) Orange: Haven't you heard of personal space? I mean, you are all ears. (laughs) Apple: You already made an ears joke. Malacorn: They are perfect. Good work. Orange: Thanks. I wasn't even trying. (laughs) Malacorn: You will make an excellent offering for… Corn People: He Who Comes During Night Shift. Apple: Who is he? Malacorn: Quiet, red one, we are storytelling now. (Flashback) Malacorn: He Who Comes During Night Shift comes… Corn People: …during night shift. Mangos: Help! We don't know what that thing is. Help! Malacorn: He takes our offerings, and then he leaves us alone. That is our deal with… Corn People: He Who Comes During Night Shift. (a mysterious shadow approaches and takes the mangoes away) Malacorn: Until tomorrow. (Back to the Present) Pear: Ugh. Even in their own story, they're the creepy ones. Passion Fruit: What does He Who Comes During the Night Shift… Is there an abbreviation, or a nickname or something? What does He Who… you know… do with the fruit he takes? Malacorn: We do not know. And we hope to never find out. As long as we give him offerings, he leaves us corn alone. Orange: How about if you just give him Apple? Apple: What? Malacorn: No. Apple: Why not? What's wrong with me? Hey! What am I saying? Malacorn: We need all of you to satisfy… Corn People: He Who Comes During Night Shift. Orange: Man, you guys are creepy and greedy. You should get into politics. (the corn people approach the fruit) Pear: Orange, these guys are serious. Orange: Don't worry. I know what to do. RUN! (the fruits split up) Malacorn: Find them! We must not disappoint He Who Comes During the… Passion Fruit is right. We need an abbreviation or something. Go, go, go! (the corn people go in different directions) Marshmallow: Running in terror is fun! Yay! Apple: Quiet or they'll hear you. Marshmallow: What? Apple: I said, "Quiet, or they’ll here you!" Okay, I walked into that one. Marshmallow: We're gonna die! Yay! Cornelius: Do you think we can't see you if you stand still? Are you pretending you can't hear me? Grapefruit: Yes. Cornelius: And we can see you. Grapefruit: Oh, darn it! I must have moved! Orange: Hello, corn brother. I am a weird corn like you. Ear of Corn: Why are you round like an orange? And orange like an orange? Pear: Oh, no. He's onto us! Orange: There's a very good reason for that. And it's… run! (Orange and Pear escape their disguises and find a new hiding spot) Orange: (laughs) Yelling "run" works every time! Pear: Oh, I think we lost them. Orange: Corn! Pear: Yeah, the corn. I think we lost 'em. Orange: No. Corn. Pear: I know! I said the corn! Orange: No, Pear! Corn! Pear: I just said… corn. (the next scene shows the fruits tied up and surrounded by the corn people) Pear: Oh, this is it. We're gonna die! Orange: Looks like we're victims of cob rule! (laughs) Apple: At least now I won't have to listen to Orange anymore. Grapefruit: I got this. Watch me break out of here. (Grapefruit struggles to break the rope, but fails) Okay, I have a confession. I'm not as strong as you guys all think I am. Passion Fruit: Well, here's another confession. We all know you're not that strong. Midget Apple: I have a confession, too. I like to hang out with peas and baby carrots so I can feel big. Marshmallow: I also have a confession. Sometimes, a darkness washes over me and all I can see when I close my eyes is blood, death and destruction, like an endless abyss staring into my soul. And also, I love you guys, you're my best friends. Yay! (crickets chirping) Passion Fruit: Wow. Orange: I have a confession! We're all gonna die! Corn People: He's here! (the corn people retreat, the fruits shiver and scream in fear) Marshmallow: Ahh! I love screaming! (He Who Comes During Night Shift is revealed to be…) Nerville: Oh. Hey, guys. What are you doing here? Passion Fruit: Nerville? Are you He Who Comes During Night Shift? Nerville: Well, I do work during night shift, and I do come to take any stray fruit back to the proper bins. You think there's somebody else here? Is that what you're saying? Like a person? Oh! (breaths) I'm weak. He's probably stronger than I am. You think it's a guy? Oh, if it's a girl, I mean… that's not so bad, to be honest. Apple: So there's no screening process for people that work here, huh? (growling) Pear: Wh-What was that? Grapefruit: Is there another He Who Comes During Night Shift? Nerville: Hey! Wait. No, that was me. I'm really hungry, so… It was my belly. Orange: (gasp) I just had a great idea! Apple: Are you looking at me or the corn? 'Cause you better be looking at the corn! (Nerville puts down a hammer and starts to eat chunks of corn) Nerville: Mmm! Mmm! Great idea, Orange. These corn chunks really hit the spot. What do you want to do about… those guys? Hmm? Marshmallow: Let's kill them all and burn their husks! Yay! Malacorn: Good heavens. Even we wouldn't have done that to you. Marshmallow: It's fun to be dark sometimes! Nerville: So, what were you guys doing in the corn bin anyway? Orange: Some snobby vegetables took over our aisle and almost sank our cart. Marshmallow: Why don't we chop them all up into little pieces and garnish it with the flesh of these corn. Yay! Malacorn: This guy's really freaking me out, okay? Pear: Well, we got to do something with these guys or they'll keep sacrificing innocent fruit. Ear of Corn: What do you intend to do with my people? Orange: Let's just say regatta idea. (the vegetables sail across the aisle where they run into the pirate fruit ship) Orange: Hey, snobs. We're back. (the fruits bring our bigger cannons which are loaded with the corn people) Malacorn: This is unfounded. We serve He Who Comes During Night Shift, not you. (Nerville comes up dressed as a pirate) Nerville: (pirate accent) I want you to do what Orange says. Malacorn: My faith has betrayed me. (the cannons fire the corn people and the cruise ships which are taking heavy damage) Heirloom Tomato: We're hit and taking in air fast. (the cannons keep firing) Ear of Corn: Hello. Orange: (laughs) (the ships are taking more damage and are about to sink) Heirloom Tomato: Retreat! Retreat! Orange: Is that when you get a treat twice? If it is, you should share. (The ships start to sink ) Heirloom Tomato: It's been an honor. Malacorn: You know there's no water down here, right? We'll be fine. Heirloom Tomato: Don't ruin the moment. Malacorn: Fair enough. Endive: Abandon ship. Arugula: Bested by fruits, Maria. I can never show my face in the organic section again. (the fruit gang and Nerville cheers for they have defeated the enemy) Orange: They sure took an endive in that fight. (laughs) the fruits and Nerville groan Passion Fruit '''(spoken): Groan. '''Pear: (groans) Is that plank still available? (the episode is over) Orange: Poop deck! (laughs) (Now it's over.) Nerville: 'Let's have an "arrgh!" party! (laughs) Hey! Har, har, har, har. Harr! (laughs)'L Man: That's Toby's basement! Category:Transcript